I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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