I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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