Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
