GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
