im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
