Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
