my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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