I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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