You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
