You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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