Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
