Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
