Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
