Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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