Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
