WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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