We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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