just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
