it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
