no you cant smoke seaweed
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
tequila makes me forget i have legs
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Never let your siblings swipe right.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
