i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
