Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
