I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
