She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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