Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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