He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
