you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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