I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
