apparently the secret to your success is patron
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
