if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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