How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
