So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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