Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
