so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
