Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
