If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
