i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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