I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I think my fart just growled at me.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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