My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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