Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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