There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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