Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Enjoy the penises
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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