You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
