Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
