Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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