How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
