Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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