i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
