I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
