I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
