I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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