everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
